Don’t break all the rules!

27th of March 2012

You cannot break all the rules of marriage and then naively wonder why it is not working, and feels like it it is literally hell on earth! Like with most things, you are free to break rules, but then there are automatically consequences for doing so. More often than not, the five minutes gratification you get is not worth the aggravation that has a longer lasting effect. It pays to make wise choices that you will then be happy to continue to live with afterwards!

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It’s not always about seeing eye to eye!

20th of March 2012

As a married couple you will not always see eye to eye and agree on everything! However that doesn’t have to be a contentious and bad thing. Infact it can actually turn out to be a great thing. Once you both share your points of view and discuss things in a civilized manner, you are actually richer for the experience. Together you have both sides of the coin and a larger more rounded perspective as opposed to just one blinkered point of view. The other advantage is that you can both work out a solution together as both parties learn to compromise, and find a positive way to move forward.

That way there is give and take, and what is best for the husband and wife team as a whole becomes the priority. If as husband and wife you do fall out, you can always enjoy kissing and making up. It helps to remember no-one is perfect, so  give each other a break, clear the deck and start again!

Your marriage is sacred!

13th of March 2012

Marriage tip of the day:

Remember that your marriage is a holy, sacred thing!  You stood before God and countless people to make vows and a commitment to one another. It is therefore not something to be poked and prodded by every Tom, Dick and Harry! Neither is it something to be subjected to everyone’s opinion. A right good gossip about your spouse’s latest failings, may indeed make you feel good and justified for all of five seconds.  However in the long run, it will do nothing to nurture trust between you, or solidify the ground on which your marriage is supposed to be standing! In fact it is the equivalent of shooting yourself in the foot! When you and your loved one become one, mysteriously what hurts them hurts you and the marriage also! After finding this out the hard way, I learned that using wisdom to seek advice is one thing, however it is ultimate wisdom to refuse and reject all outside interference. This applies also even to all the well meaning folk out there who are just trying to help.  Unfortunately their involvement often only serves to make things a million times worse!

If you feel that you need advice that could be a good thing. However depending on what it is about, if it is at all possible try and get advice together as a couple, from someone neutral. A marriage can indeed be strengthened when both parties are working and pulling together in the same direction, mutually trying to find a solution to what ever problem is presenting itself. Remember united you stand, divided, the marriage and household will fall.

Communication…a major key!

5th of March 2012

Marriage tip: Remember communication is a major key to a healthy marriage. No-one is a mind reader so there is no point husband or wife expecting their spouse to automatically know what they like, expect, or are thinking. A lack of communication is often one of the first steps in a marriage breakdown. Bearing this in mind remember it is good to talk and I don’t mean scream at each other! If healthy communication is not a habit, sometimes there can be such a build up of frustration that the only things left are the negative things that irritate you about your spouse.  The problem then is often it could all  come tumbling out of your mouth in the wrong way, and you can’t take it back.

Instead keep short accounts. If something bugs you, tell your loved one as soon as possible in the nicest possible way. Remember its not about making them feel bad, rather it is about sharing what you have on your mind so that the two of you are not only on the same book but on the same page!

Timing is very important with regard to the outcome.  Don’t try and talk when one or both of you are tired, irritable, stressed, or dealing with the kids. Pick your moment wisely and let it be a good time for both of you. Make it a safe place for you to relax and share your heart with your loved one. Remember you are both blessed to have each other to love!